I guess what i can say is that i am in a better place then i was a month ago, two months ago, and three months ago. But honestly i still have no idea what i am doing with my life.At times i feel like things are finally going my way but then something comes that makes me think i have no idea what going on which honestly just really annoying. I miss that feel that everything is fine that i don't always have to smile to make it seem I'm happy. But i am still missing something that use to be important. i think i might be my since of belonging and meaning in my life. Art does not excite me the way it used to even reading comic books don't excite me anymore which i starting to scare me. That used to be my source of happiness but it slowly losing my interest and it the same with movies which terrifies me even more. Music finally is becoming a large part of my life like it used to be but at times, it does nothing for me too. Then there are the times that i want someone to hold me and love me and kiss me. To have someone that would want to make me happy and also me making that person happy as well. Not just a fuck buddy but something more, and long and stable. But people my age don't want that they want to have fun or if they want they want to put a ring on it. And honestly i am not ready for something like that. But i keep thinking i need to find myself and love before any one could love me. Which is tuff because i don't know how to love myself anymore. At times i wonder if i am worth loving my self. Am i worth feeling love from other people if at times i hate the skin i am in. Do i even like they way i look do i love myself. I keep asking myself this question that i can not seem to answer. Do deserve to be where i am or do i deserve better. Do i let linger feeling hinder me from reaching my goal. Why don't i just finish what i start instead of giving up half way when it gets hard. Why must i second guess myself and once i start doing that i freak myself out and just don't do that task at hand. Not even trying to make any attempt on the assignment at hand. WHAT FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME. DO I DESERVE TO FEEL LOVE OF ANY SORT!

the boy

so this boy that i can seem to get out of my fucking head makes idk, i think i siqing my self out because i am making myself think nothing will happen because so far every time I'm suppose to hang out with a guy i like it always falls through so i really don't know how the feel or think.