PAIN II

So pat left the California, and now i all i want to do is cry my eyes out but sadly the tears won't come. I miss more than i thought i would, i wish i could have done more for my friend. The pain that he feels i wish i could take it from him but sadly he wont let me take that pain away from him. All i wanted was for us to become friends and as soon as we do. We have been pulled apart again, which kills me i know i should worry about myself but he is gone now so far away. I know that i can still reach him but at the same time he gone, no longer

PAIN

the feeling of falling is starting to kill me, always being awake and feeling this pain, is not something that i enjoy, all i want to do is cry, why do i feel like this when i am alone, at times i always feel alone, as if i am lieing to myself to save face, but why i am trying to save face if people have thoughts about me i doubt i can change now or even if i want to change it. But at the same the little bit happiness i feel i when i am close to someone hugging them holding some sort of contact with them, even thou at the moment i just want to be alone, and hide in a place where no one can find me. I black hole with no thoughts.

my chaotic day

It starts with a thought, that leads to another thought, that leads to another. To the point when your thinking about it all the time. And you hope that all you do is just think and not say it, but sadly those thoughts form into words to the, point to the words must be spoken. Out loud to anyone who would listen. To the point where you can not help and it because word vomit. That you wished you never uttered and go mock and ridiculed for it.